Governor More Hopeful on Same-Sex Marriage

Gov. David A. Paterson expressed confidence on Friday that he and other Democrats could pick up Republican votes in their push to legalize same-sex marriage, but said he was unsure whether they could garner enough support to change the law this year.

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Librado Romero/The New York Times
Though optimistic, Governor Paterson is still unsure of same-sex marriage’s chances.

Related
Paterson Introduces a Same-Sex Marriage Bill (April 17, 2009)
Times Topics: Same-Sex Marriage, Civil Unions, and Domestic PartnershipsMr. Paterson’s hedged optimism reflected two conflicting realities that have settled over Albany on the issue of same-sex marriage: the belief by advocates of gay rights that momentum is on their side, and the reluctance of both Democratic and Republican lawmakers to support a concept that still splits New Yorkers.

Mr. Paterson said in a telephone interview that he believes the bill’s chances of passing are better than they were just a few weeks ago. “I’m more optimistic that it gets done,” he said. “I’m not necessarily sure that it can be done.”

Advocates of same-sex marriage have been heartened in recent weeks by movements in two states, Iowa and Vermont, that have legalized such unions. In New York, Senate Republicans, who hold the votes that are likely to determine whether the law is changed before June, have so far been averse to broadening the state’s definition of marriage to include gay and lesbian couples.

But some Republicans said Friday that they would not rule out the possibility that some members of their caucus could decide to support the bill.

The Assembly approved a same-sex marriage measure in 2007.

“It’s a difficult decision because it has so many people locked in on both sides,” said Senator Kemp Hannon, a Republican who represents Long Island. “It may not seem like that from the epicenter of the world called Manhattan. But out here in the suburbs, there are mixed emotions.”

Mr. Hannon, a senior member of the Republican conference, said that he was inclined to oppose Mr. Paterson’s same-sex marriage legislation, which the governor introduced on Thursday. But the senator added that he thought it was possible some of his colleagues might be more inclined than he is to change their minds.

“This is a serious matter, and it deserves serious consideration,” Mr. Hannon said.

A spokesman for another senior Republican senator, Thomas P. Morahan, said the senator was not predisposed to vote to legalize same-sex marriage but was not inflexible on the issue.

“He’s still in the process of reviewing everything,” said the spokesman, Ron Levine. “We’re not going to come out one way or the other.”

Mr. Levine added: “Does that mean locked in stone? I don’t know.”

Mr. Hannon, whose district in central Long Island includes Garden City and Bethpage, and Mr. Morahan, who represents parts of Rockland and Orange Counties, both have constituencies that include large numbers of Democrats.

Advocates of same-sex marriage believe that senators who represent districts like those two — with demographics that tend to favor liberal social issues — are the more likely candidates to vote their way.

Mr. Paterson said that after some recent conversations with Republican senators, he came away with the impression that some would support same-sex marriage.

“I know a couple who I think are leaning that way,” Mr. Paterson said.

Mr. Paterson said he planned to begin personally lobbying legislators sometime next month, after gay rights groups have their annual advocacy day in Albany, which is scheduled for April 28. The governor said he wanted the advocates’ work to “sink in a little bit” before he takes on an active role.

“Then I’d say a couple of weeks after all that happens, I’m going to start getting involved based on what the two leaders of the houses who support the measure think would be the best way,” he said.

One sticking point Mr. Paterson will have to resolve with Democratic leaders in the Senate is whether the marriage bill should be voted on even if its passage is not assured. Mr. Paterson wants an up-or-down vote regardless of the expected outcome, but the Senate majority leader, Malcolm A. Smith, has said he will bring the bill to the floor only if it has the votes to pass.

A test for Mr. Paterson will be to persuade Mr. Smith to bring the bill to a vote without appearing to trample the majority leader’s authority.

“I’ll leave it to him as leader,” Mr. Paterson said.

But he said he wants to impress on Mr. Smith and other Senate Democrats that he believes lawmakers who have not pledged their vote are often open to taking a position at the last minute.

“That’s why you see a lot of overnight conversions when it comes to the floor,” he said.

Filed under: Marriage, sex , Governor, Governor More Hopeful on Same-Sex Marriage, Marriage, Same Sex Marriage, sex

Same-sex marriage fight illuminates quiet struggle in Santa Cruz Mormon family

SANTA CRUZ — The last time Heather Pope saw her parents was two weeks before the November election during a brief visit from Utah.

Leaving behind her same-sex partner of seven years and their 7-month-old daughter, Pope was aware of the controversy unfolding with California’s Proposition 8, the ballot measure that would establish a constitutional ban on gay marriage. But she didn’t realize just how personal the political fight would become.

On the lawn of her parents’ large house on the northern edge of Santa Cruz, where she had lived a little more than a decade ago, was a sign advocating passage of Proposition 8.

“It felt like a smack in the face,” said Pope, who knew her family opposed gay marriage but, at 31, didn’t expect their longtime differences would get to her. “It’s funny that those things still bother me, but it did.”

The disappointment, Pope knew, would run both ways.

For her parents, who had surrounded her with a close-knit family, given her a good education and grounded her in the Mormon faith, Heather’s personal life was a personal affront.

Her parents’ convictions ran deep. Heather’s mother had stood on street corners and raised placards in support of Proposition 8. Her parents together gave $60,000 to the Yes on 8 campaign — more than anyone in Santa Cruz County and among the biggest individual donations in the state.

Since Pope was in town to see her 14-year-old sister, she was determined to keep the issues

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with her parents from detracting from the visit. As she’d learned to do years ago, she would ignore the subject of her sexuality and leave the matter outside the home, even as the political signs stood in the front yard.

 

Today, months after the nation’s most-watched ballot measure sailed to victory and barred same-sex marriage, the Proposition 8 sign no longer stands in front of the Pope house. The debate, however, continues.

The state Supreme Court will hear arguments today challenging the legality of Proposition 8, while for those like Heather whose families struggle to accept homosexuality, the issues at home remain equally unsettled.

A religious home

The Pope family home not far off Highway 17 in the Carbonera neighborhood is filled with musical instruments, sports equipment and the usual things you’d find in a place where five children have grown up.

It’s also a home that has embraced the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, with its traditional values and opposition to homosexuality.

“I have the responsibility to raise my family in the ways I see as appropriate,” said Charles Pope, who joined his wife in an interview with the Sentinel in the living room of their home after the election.

The biggest reason the couple supports Proposition 8 and why they gave tens of thousands of dollars to the campaign, Gloria and Charles say, is to make sure the right message is sent to kids.

“For children growing up, thinking that they can go either way, I don’t think that’s healthy for society,” Gloria said. “Let’s give them the opportunity to learn about biology and reproduction before they have to deal with this.”

For Charles, the problem was that the courts stepped in and, despite successful voter initiatives outlawing gay marriage, sanctioned something that goes against his core values.

“I don’t impose my beliefs on them,” he said. “I don’t want them to impose their beliefs on me.”

As a top manager at Seagate Technology, Charles said that he goes out of his way to keep his personal beliefs to himself, at least in public.

When an unmarried underling asked for time off after she became pregnant, for example, Charles said he was happy to accommodate her request and offer support. After another conversation with a co-worker brought to light his opposition to unmarried couples living together, his cohabiting colleague was surprised, Charles said, because his feelings had not been evident.

“I put all these people in the category of immoral,” he said. “But has that affected our working relationship? No.”

When it comes to their daughter Heather, Charles and Gloria’s position is not compromised.

“There is a moral implication to acting on same-sex attraction,” Charles said.

Gloria adds, “I’m still sad she didn’t choose to fight it and live without the sexual intimacy.”

They love her, they say, but not the way she lives. On their somewhat regular but “tense” visits with her, they say they try to ignore her lifestyle and say it’s easier when her partner and child aren’t around.

The tough truth

Heather came out to her parents 10 years ago, during a telephone conversation she says she rehearsed in her head but that still didn’t come out as planned.

“At the time I told them I was bisexual,” she said, speaking by phone from Utah. “I hadn’t ruled out same-sex relationships, but felt like that was a softer blow.”

Her parents didn’t expect it.

“When she told us, we were in shock, we were depressed, all the reactions you can imagine,” Gloria said.

Heather had already left Santa Cruz for college at Utah State University in Logan; she would later meet her partner Kasey in Salt Lake City. They bought a home together in the small town of Goshen, outside Provo.

By then, Heather’s parents realized there was little they could do to change their daughter, outside hoping her Mormon upbringing would catch up with her.

Heather, who works as a graphic designer, says she still considers herself religious and sympathizes with elements of the Mormon Church.

“It’s hard to sever your roots,” she said. “I’ve done a lot of searching of religions and just haven’t found my niche.”

Many of the family values and the sense of community she learned from her parents have stuck with her. She e-mails pictures of her daughter, Zoe, to her parents and shares stories about her new family over the phone.

Her parents try to reciprocate, sending gifts to Zoe and Kasey and including them in family events.

But Heather says the attempts to connect fall short.

Filed under: Marriage, sex , same sex, santa cruz, sex, Sex Marriage, sex marriage fight

Quarter of Men think wife needs boob job!!!

Today I came across this article which says quarter of men think wife need boob job.
Source: ~Link~
Extracts:

“Almost a third said it would spice up their sex life and 19 per cent reckoned plastic surgery could save their marriage.”
I find the above statement as a lame excuse to divorce rather. Spicing up sex life comes in many forms: cosplay, spanking (ask mr spankalot …lol), dirty dancing, good foreplay etc.

“Nearly a quarter of men (23 per cent) said they missed the body their wife had when they first met.”
Come on… I guess the wife pretty feels the same when ur 6 pack abs turn into 1 big fat piece of lard resulting what people so nicely call the “pot-bellied” or the “beer-bellied”. However, I think working out to be attractive for each other do spice up love life of couples. With that i determined to lead by example by maintaining my figure now… (I exercise regularly).

“Over 35 per cent of men said they would never tell their wife she needed plastic surgery as she would be too offended but 17 per cent said they would approach her because she might be open to their suggestions.”
LoL…most of the guys will be asking for their own head chopped off if they ever tell their wife “You look bad…You badly need a plastic surgery.” I can imagine my puny head being chopped off and hung on the roof of a sky scraper.
Anyway, ladies …b4 u ask ur hubbies “Am I beautiful/attractiveness/pretty?” …We know what answer u want already…so please do self check and do something about it if u haven’t… coz u know ur hubby won’t tell u that u need a plastic surgery…

Anyway, maintaining a marriage isn’t just about remaining physical attractiveness but a total disregard for it do dampen the spirits. I told my wife: “Let’s plan in future to exercise to stay healthy and attractive for each other.” She nodded and agree…Eventually she will not look as attractive as I first met her…but the effort to do so makes her truely attractive to me. Guys, if you want ur wife to remain attractive…try doing it urself first. Stop lazing in front of ur tele watching EPL, while gorging on food and having ur pint of beer…get up and play soccer or ur favourite sports.

Filed under: Marriage , boob, Girl's, ladies, love, Loved ones, Marriage, men and women, Quarter of Men think wife needs boob job!!!, sex, sex jobs